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| Watched 500 days of summer today. Didn't like it. It was kinda like a deja vu. Almost exactly what I went through -.- from the part where they meet and hangout to the part where she tells him she doesn't wanna take things seriously. Then from there you know things are gonna spiral downwards cos she's just using him in a certain way. And it annoys me to see how he lets himself be used (emotionally) and just hangs on, and also how things drag on.. think I need to be less impulsive. Until my relationship with God improves and i find myself in Him then I'll go bother about other relationships. | | |
| Woke up today crying with a really bad dream. Funny thing is the dream only happened after I kissed Dan in the morning and went back to slp. Dreamt that my late grandpa got in an accident and I was pushing the stretcher bed thing with him to this hospital dept (some emergency ward?) and I was crying and all worried but I don't rmb him having any blood or cuts etc. So when we reached the entrance it was locked, for staff only or something, and the nurse made us wait outside. after that she came back with this ice pack and said he had to ice his fever. Then I noticed he was really red, kinda orange red lol and that he was fully conscious and didn't seem weak. I started crying after, saying I didn't want him to die and be gone and how I missed the times when I was a kid and he used to call and disturb me. Then he said we can always do that again so we ran to a park (he transformed to being well again and I changed into a kid). And then we played and played and I woke up finding myself crying like shit I missed him so much. Before I slept last night I came across a photo of my grandpa smiling happily. I hope he is in heaven now. | | |
| You know the moment the phone rings and your heart drops cos somehow you know what it's gna be about.. and you're silently praying and hoping that it's something else other than bad news
I hate to cry
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| GRADUATE ALR!
Now what? 
Sometimes I wish Optometry in Singapore would be more advanced, like in Aus or USA where people treat Optometrists as professionals and not just retail salesmen -.-
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Been visiting Utown quite alot lately. Haha nice place to study with nice people I can laugh with  Only sucky thing is that my uni sems do not match my other friends' -.- Basically when I'm having hols, they'll be busy studying and vice versa.
Anw I'm pretty free now, which I kinda feel is a bad thing. I hate having nothing to do at all, sometimes I think I enjoy the stress from school/projects (as weird as it sounds). Being on holiday is really kinda bad cos it screws my sleeping schedule real bad. I can head to bed at 2am and roll around til 4 without feeling sleepy.
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I just got a text from a friend asking if I wna hang out. This is annoying! Whenever I wna go out people will either not be free or cancel on me. When I make plans to go out and it is confirmed, others will randomly ask me out.
~~Back at 4am full from nuggets
Random thoughts:
If I could design a phone it'll have the BB keypad, awesome Appstore, wp7 interface (y)
Ok Gdnight. Hope tmw doesnt get cancelled
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| Left this space empty cos I couldn't bear reading my last post. And it's still difficult..
Now that my grandpa is gone i worry so much about my grandma. I keep questioning God why. Why did he have to leave so suddenly its not fair, my grandma needs him so much. Life is not fair but to see an old woman missing her husband and becoming more anxious/sad/lonely after his death really breaks my heart. I hate this. I hate crying. I hate crying. I wonder if my mom is still upset. Or my aunts/uncles. Why do they all seem okay. I dont get it. When he was in the coma they said he probably had no chance of survival. Why didnt any of them pray for a miracle?? Its hard cos I dont understand why God took him away so suddenly but I trust that He has a good plan. But that doesn't take away the sadness I feel everytime I see my grandma. How long more can she live? Will she see me get married?
I worry about my grandma. How she has become even more frail and thin, and that they had to buy a wheelchair. I wonder how she feels now that she doesnt go out and she's stuck at home the whole day with the stupid greedy maid cos she's scared that she may faint when she goes out.
Then I worry about my future, my grades, if I can make it to uni. What if they don't accept me? What if I'm not successful in the future. How will I measure up to my dad. Will I be able to earn as much as him. Opt in Singapore is pretty limited, I think its not a profession that gets as much respect as we deserve. Ppl only know about opticians/ophthalmologists but not optometrists. And I dont know about exploring other choices. And schoolwork. Worry about hitting my patient quota, handing up assignments on time. FYP is getting on my nerves.
I worry too much I start getting anxious about little things.
Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Matt 6:27 NLT
I should stop worrying.
"Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light."
Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT) "I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid."
John 14:27 (NLT)
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